Challenging the myths
There's a lot of mis-information around domestic abuse and we often see myths being used to excuse the abuse.
Hover over the boxes below to find out more about the truth behind some of these mis-conceptions.
It can’t be that bad or...
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she’d leave
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she wouldn't go back
Women stay in abusive relationships for many different reasons, and it can be very difficult for a woman to leave an abusive partner – even if she wants to.
Fear, isolation and financial dependence can all play a part in making it hard to leave.
It's not their fault, they...
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had a bad childhood
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can’t help it when they’re drunk
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have mental health issues
The perpetrator alone is responsible for their actions. Many people drink, take drugs or had difficult childhoods and do not abuse their partner.
Whilst these things may be a catalyst for an attack, they do not cause abusive behaviour.
It's just normal...
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all couples argue
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he’s nice to you most of the time
Abuse and disagreement are different things. Different opinions are healthy and normal in a relationship. When abuse is involved, there is no discussion between equals. There is fear of saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing.
They're still a good parent
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the children don't know what's going on
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there's no risk that the children will get hurt
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the children wouldn't be affected by it anyway
Living with adversity and trauma, such as domestic abuse, can have lifelong impacts on children’s mental and physical health and behaviour into adulthood. To learn more about the effects of domestic abuse on children, click here.
It isn’t that common.
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it only happens in other places, not in my community
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I don’t know anyone who has experienced domestic abuse
Domestic abuse affects 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men in the UK so the chances that it has happened to someone you know are very high.
In Derbyshire alone, there were nearly 20,000 calls for service regarding domestic abuse between April 2020 and March 2021.
She's making it sound worse than it is
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lots of claims are exaggerated or false
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she would have reported it before
It takes a lot for most vitims to report the abuse and false allegations of domestic abuse are very rare. The Crown Prosecution Service released the first ever study of this in 2013; in the 17 month period that the study examined, there were 111,891 prosecutions for domestic violence, and only six prosecutions for making false allegations.
They probably deserved it
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they must have done something to provoke it
This is victim blaming. The choice to be abusive belongs to the abuser alone.
It only happens in...
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hetrosexual relationships
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when
Living with adversity and trauma, such as domestic abuse, can have lifelong impacts on children’s mental and physical health and behaviour into adulthood. To learn more about the effects of domestic abuse on children, click here.
It only happens to a certain type of person
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it couldn’t happen to me or anyone I know
Domestic abuse is prevalent throughout society. It can happen to anyone, regardless of where they live, their age, their profession, or their social, economic or ethnic background.
It’s not really abuse...
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if it’s not physical
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if you’re not living together
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if it doesn’t happen very often
Not all abuse is physical. Abusive behaviour can include coercive control; psychological and/or emotional abuse; physical abuse; sexual abuse; financial abuse; harassment; stalking; and/or online or digital abuse. You can find out more about how to recognise abuse here
They just…
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get angry
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lose their temper sometimes
Domestic abuse is rarely about losing control. Perpetrators plan and consciously choose when to abuse, usually when they are alone with their victim.
Most perpetrators have no issues keeping control of their temper in other parts of their lives.
Men
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just as likely
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Living with adversity and trauma, such as domestic abuse, can have lifelong impacts on children’s mental and physical health and behaviour into adulthood. To learn more about the effects of domestic abuse on children, click here.